Someone shit on the floor
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
