as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
