Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
