I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
me + whiskey = a bad person
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
