OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
