RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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