Your mouth is God's brothel.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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