i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
