i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
