really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize