I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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