So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
