how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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