I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I didn't notice because vodka
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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