You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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