Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
