Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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