He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
