my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
