I like to think it a success when the cops are called
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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