She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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