I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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