Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
