is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
