so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
