Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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