just come out here and I will go home with you...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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