please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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