You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
