I have demons in me.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
