WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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