five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
