Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
