also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
