I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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