some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
