we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
