Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
