she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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