I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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