this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I think my nap took me to another dimension
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
