i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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