so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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