I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
