I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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