That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
PANTIES FOUND
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