I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
