Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
