Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize