Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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