his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
