Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
