New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
