How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
