just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
