ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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