Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
