Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
