drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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