I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
