he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
