"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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