Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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