On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
