I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
