y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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