So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
