dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
