the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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