Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
