I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
